Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

By Annabelle Parr, MA, AMFT

One of the main goals in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is to help clients get comfortable being uncomfortable. This may sound strange at first, after all isn’t therapy meant to help alleviate suffering? So why would an evidence-based treatment model suggest that we get comfortable being uncomfortable?

Because the struggle to get rid of pain often comes at a cost.

When our energy and attention are wrapped up in trying to move us away from discomfort, several things typically happen:

1. First, the attempt to avoid discomfort or anxiety works. We get an instant sense of relief. This is really rewarding to our brains and our bodies, and because it is so rewarding it can make us more likely to choose that avoidance again in the future.

2. But relief is usually only temporary. In the long run, anxiety finds a way of returning. And when it comes back, it is sometimes even stronger than before. When we avoid the things that make us feel anxious, we reinforce the story our minds tell us that anxiety is unmanageable and that we are in danger.

3. Third, and possibly most importantly, in the fight to try to make anxiety go away it’s easy to lose sight of what is most meaningful and important to us in our lives. Our behavior becomes about trying to get rid of discomfort rather than about being present to and doing the things that matter to us.

There is a Buddhist saying that helps explain the high price of avoidance:

Pain x Resistance = Suffering 

Anxiety and other painful emotions are really uncomfortable, and they are an inescapable part of the human experience. When we try to resist or avoid that pain, instead of allowing it to be as it is and continuing to engage in valued actions, our discomfort escalates into suffering. Maybe that suffering looks like worrying about the fact that we are anxious. Maybe it involves our minds beating us up for the fact that what we are experiencing is not easy, the way it seems to be for others. Maybe that suffering involves feeling unable to connect with something important to us. When we choose a different response and drop the resistance to our pain, we can reduce that suffering.

The alternative to resistance is willingness.

Willingness is getting comfortable being uncomfortable and allowing our internal experience to be as it is without trying to control or change it. When we are no longer caught trying to wrestle with and get rid of our anxiety, we get to choose what we do instead.

• We can decide to be brave and take a flight to go visit family we haven’t seen in years.

• We can decide to be vulnerable and go out on a first date.

• We can decide to be bold and ask for a raise.

• We can decide to take care of ourselves and schedule that check up, or take care of others and go donate blood.

• We can love more deeply, fully, and wholeheartedly when we are willing to allow the possibility or even the probability that we may one day lose those we love.

When we are comfortable being uncomfortable, our life expands. We can allow ourselves to care deeply about what matters most in our lives. We get to make a choice about who and how we want to be in the world, and about what actions are important enough to us to allow ourselves to feel the pounding heart, sweaty palms, shaky legs, racing mind that comes with anxiety.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love needs support and might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, uncertainty or stress related to COVID-19, or if you would like more information about our telehealth services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

Busting OCD Myths and Misconceptions: OCD In Its Many Forms

By Annabelle Parr

The term OCD has been appropriated to describe neat freaks, those who get a kick out of organizing, and the Mr. Cleans of the world. People casually joke “I’m so OCD!” in reference to their color coded planners or their squeaky clean cars or their Instagram worthy closets. Not only is this use of the term inaccurate, the tongue and cheek expression minimizes the severity and suffering associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). 

For those who actually meet diagnostic criteria for OCD, the characteristic obsessions and compulsions are far from cute or funny. According to the DSM-5, obsessions are intrusive, unwanted thoughts, urges, or images that create immense anxiety and distress; compulsions are the actions the individual takes to attempt to neutralize, suppress, or ignore the obsessions, and involve behaviors or mental acts which are rigidly applied in response to obsessions. OCD compulsions take up at least an hour of the individual’s day, and create serious impairment in important areas of life, including school, work, and relationships.

Additionally, although most people tend to think of OCD as characterized by fears of germs or the need for things to be orderly, these are only two of many manifestations of the disorder. There are a number of categories into which obsessions and compulsions commonly fall, including checking, contamination, symmetry and ordering, and intrusive thoughts. These categories often overlap with one another and at the core all subtypes involve extreme difficulty tolerating uncertainty. 

Checking

Though the checking behavior is a compulsion, the compulsion is driven by a fear-based obsession regarding potential harm or damage that could occur if the compulsion is not engaged. Some examples in this category include checking locks, appliances, lights, and taps, checking for signs of illness or pregnancy, checking one’s valuables, or checking for signs of sexual arousal, as well as seeking reassurance. The checking behaviors – like the compulsions in all of the subsequent categories – are engaged multiple times, and often prevent one from maintaining commitments such as arriving to work on time, keeping social engagements, etc.

Contamination

In this category, the obsessive fear is related to harm as a result of being dirty or coming into contact with germs, and the compulsion typically involves excessive cleaning or avoiding situations which may result in contamination. Some common examples of feared stimuli include public or private toilets, restaurants, shaking hands, chemicals, sex, outside air, and crowds. 

Symmetry and Ordering

The obsessive aspect of this category can either be related to the compulsion, where a lack of order causes great discomfort, or can be connected to other unrelated fears or intrusive thoughts such that the compulsion to create order is believed to prevent the feared harm (e.g. contracting a serious illness) from occurring. Items – such as clothes, books, pictures, and food – must be arranged symmetrically and just right.

Intrusive Thoughts

This particular subtype is sometimes referred to as “Pure O” (for obsession), as it is characterized primarily by obsessions and avoidance, but does not typically have overtly obvious compulsions present. Intrusive thoughts are a particular type of distressing obsession, characterized by involuntary, unwanted, highly distressing and often disturbing thoughts. 

Intrusive thoughts can be related to one’s relationship, where for example, one feels the compulsion to constantly seek reassurance of one’s partner’s feelings or faithfulness.  

They can be related to sex, involving intense fear of being sexually attracted to children, sexually attracted to family members, or regarding one’s sexual orientation.

Another particularly distressing form involves intrusive thoughts regarding violence, where one fears he will carry out violent acts toward himself, loved ones, or others.  

Sexual and violent intrusive thoughts are experienced as especially disturbing, and individuals struggling with these thoughts are often hesitant to disclose them as they may believe that these thoughts are a sign that they are capable of such actions; they may also fear that these thoughts mean that they are a bad person or that they will be viewed as such. Despite the disturbing nature of these thoughts, individuals with OCD are the least likely to act on such thoughts, as they experienced as revolting; rather than indicating a propensity to carry out these actions, much of the individual’s time is devoted to suppressing the thoughts and avoiding and preventing the feared outcomes.

Intrusive thoughts can also come in the form of magical thinking, where the individual believes that thinking about something terrible – such as a natural disaster or death – makes it more likely to occur.

Finally, religious intrusive thoughts (scrupulosity) can take the form of intense fear that one is sinning, one must pray over and over, fear of blasphemous thoughts, etc. 

OCD Treatment

The good news is that effective treatment is available for OCD. The gold-standard of treatment is currently Exposure and Response Prevention, a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy in which the client is – in the context of a warm and supportive therapeutic environment – exposed to the distressing obsessions and prevented from engaging in the subsequent compulsion. Like all forms of exposure therapy, this approach allows for new learning to occur such that the association between obsession and compulsion is slowly broken down. The client typically learns over the course of treatment that catastrophe does not strike despite failure to engage former compulsions. Medication may also be recommended in conjunction with therapy in some cases.

OCD Is No Joke

OCD can severely limit one’s ability to engage effectively and meaningfully in life. The associated distress and anxiety can be overwhelming and painful, thus OCD is not something to joke about or trivialize. However, with effective treatment, individuals can learn how to manage distress in new ways such that they are not prevented from engaging in a rich and vital life.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, or insomnia, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com