Empowering Yourself with Mindfulness: Attending Intentionally to What Matters in This Moment

By Annabelle Parr

We wake up each day to a new series of updates about coronavirus and its wide reaching effects: perpetually breaking news stories with new research, new statistics, new predictions, new guidelines, new stressors. Our attention is yanked like a yo-yo by the instant and constant stream of news in the palms of our hands. Additionally, attending to what used to be a basic task – grocery shopping – now feels like a massive feat involving lots of planning and caution. For those with kids at home, we are trying to attend to their needs, their schoolwork, and their emotions, even as we do our best to navigate working simultaneously.

Where we used to have separate spaces for separate parts of our lives, at least to some degree, we are now navigating the jumble of integrating every facet of our lives into one space: our home. With so many demands and pressing issues competing for our attention constantly, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to feel like our minds have been hijacked in the same way that it feels our lives and routines have been.

This is hard, AND…

Yes, this is a scary and difficult time. Yes, there is a seemingly endless list of stressors to occupy our anxious minds. Yes, there is a lot of uncertainty and only so many variables within our control. AND. We are not helpless or powerless. As our hearts are flooded with emotions, our minds retain their ability to make choices about how to proceed when faced with the facts and the resulting feelings. We can choose to empower ourselves within situations in which our control over external variables is limited.

What does it mean to empower ourselves during COVID-19?

When I say that we can empower ourselves, I don’t mean that we can empower our way out of our pain. Our pain – our fear, our anxiety, our grief, our anger – is a natural human response when faced with loss and uncertainty, of which we are all getting an enormous dose. Our pain simply is. It is here for good reason, and it often points directly toward what matters most to us. It deserves to be felt and heard.

Empowering ourselves involves increasing our psychological flexibility in service of greater meaning.

When I say that we can empower ourselves, I am drawing on the wisdom of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which says that suffering is a result of psychological inflexibility. When we increase our ability to think and respond flexibly in the face of pain and stress, we empower ourselves to make choices based on our values. We reduce the struggle that comes from fighting with our pain – as if that were the battle to be won – and we free ourselves up to pursue that which brings meaning to our lives.

In his beautiful work Man’s Search for Meaning, Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist and creator of logotherapy (another form of therapy grounded in meaning), Viktor E. Frankl (1959) stated “that everything can be taken from a [person] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (p. 66).

What if I feel guilty for focusing on meaning when basic needs demand my attention?

It may feel incredibly difficult or even indulgent to consider what brings us meaning when we are facing such a collective threat to our health and our financial stability. It may also feel trivializing to invoke the words of a Holocaust survivor here, as even though what we are facing is difficult, it is nowhere near the level of the atrocities which Frankl witnessed and endured.

Yet he suffered such unfathomable horror, pain, and loss, that the wisdom he emerged with certainly seems worth attending to during our own trying times. Additionally, suffering is not something that is meant to be compared. Frankl (1959) himself noted, “suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore, the ‘size’ of human suffering is absolutely relative” (p. 44).

In other words, we do not have to experience the rock bottom of human atrocity in order to allow ourselves space and self-compassion for our emotional experience in the midst of suffering. This is hard. Your pain makes sense. 

An important piece of the psychological flexibility puzzle is mindfulness.

So, how exactly do we empower ourselves to become more psychologically flexible? A good place to start is with mindfulness, or present centered awareness. Jon Kabat-Zinn (1994), founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction, succinctly defines mindfulness as the ongoing practice of “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally” (p. 4).

In her book, Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, & Stress Using Mindfulness & Acceptance, CSAM director Dr. Jill Stoddard (2019) invites us to imagine that when we are not engaging mindfully, we are like airplanes on autopilot. Not fully present to what is happening inside and outside of our skin, we are running on muscle memory. We are still making choices for which we are responsible, but we are not totally conscious of the fact that we are doing so.

It is easy to get lost in this space. When we are running on autopilot, we are more likely to react rather than respond: “if your autopilot has commandeered the cockpit, the space between intense emotion and response is utterly nonexistent, leading to an instant, impulsive reaction. It’s as if the intense emotion is a detonator and the reaction is a bomb” (Stoddard, 2019, p. 45). 

Sheltering in place during a pandemic is likely to create some intense emotions and difficult circumstances to which we may react. If we are on autopilot, we are much more likely to react in unhelpful ways, like lashing out at our loved ones and communicating ineffectively. Additionally, when we are on autopilot we may be unaware of what we are actually feeling and experiencing. We may be more likely to numb out in unhealthy ways, and less likely to attend to the things that help care for our minds and bodies. Also significant, we are likely to miss the little nuggets of joy that fly by us as we zone out into the distance.

So let’s flip it around. What does mindfulness empower us to do? When we show up to each moment mindfully, that is, we focus our attention on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally, we are able to….

• Notice and identify our emotions. Our emotions can span the full range of experience, from afraid to anxious to stressed to exhausted to angry to sad to grateful to joyful. Remember, the purpose of mindfulness is not to judge our experience, but simply to notice it.

• Choose how we internally respond to our own emotional experience. Responding gently, with the same kindness and compassion we might have for ourselves as children, for our child, for our friend, or for another loved one is generally a good place to start.

• Choose action in line with the kind of person, partner, parent, friend, employee, citizen, etc. that we want to be. It can be helpful to consider the qualities of being you aspire to embody, such as being compassionate, loving, loyal, diligent, reliable, kind, etc. Then you can purposefully choose to behave in a way that aligns with your personal values.

• Choose what we point our attention towards. This is especially important right now, given that our smartphones are perpetually present and can alert us to every single news update all day long. It’s important to stay informed enough to stay safe and responsible, but that doesn’t mean we are required to be glued to the news all day. When we are more present, we can make a choice about when we decide to update ourselves, how often, and for what purpose. It’s also easy to mindlessly let the day slip away watching Netflix or going down some other rabbit hole of distraction. It’s okay to watch Netflix or to let ourselves be unproductive, but it’s important that we connect with our intention and our reason for our behavior. When we watch our favorite show mindfully, we get to actually engage with it from a place of enjoyment so that we can return to our other tasks more rejuvenated.

• Be present to the things for which we are grateful. When we are more fully present to the moment, we give ourselves the opportunity to appreciate the sweetness in small moments we might otherwise miss. As much as this period of time is full of tragedy, there is goodness to be found if we know where to turn our attention. John Krasinski is working on helping us out here, with Some Good News. But we don’t need a celebrity news channel to tune in to gratitude and goodness. There is goodness to be found in the gift of time with our loved ones, watching our children play together, waving to neighbors from a solid 6 ft. + physical distance, or reconnecting virtually with friends we rarely find time to talk to under normal circumstances. Mindfulness allows us to be present to the joys when they show up and to actively cultivate engagement with the things that bring us meaning; we might just have to be a bit more creative in how we engage those things right now.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love needs support and might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, or stress related to COVID-19, or if you would like more information about our telehealth services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

References

Frankl, V. E. (1959). Man’s search for meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New York, NY: Hyperion.

Stoddard, J. A. (2019). Be mighty: A woman’s guide to liberation from anxiety, worry & stress using mindfulness & acceptance. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

How to Seek Therapy During Social Distancing and COVID-19: Telehealth Services for Anxiety and Stress Management

by Annabelle Parr

Within just the last week, most of us have gone from living our lives as usual to an entirely new pace of life and day to day routine: working from home, homeschooling cooped up kids, adhering to social distancing guidelines to keep ourselves and our communities safe and healthy, etc. As we navigate the COVID-19 pandemic together (yet apart), we are faced with a number of unique stressors in addition to the ones that we might already have been managing, and this may mean that we are experiencing increased anxiety.

Anxiety and fear are specifically designed to help us prepare for and respond to threats.

As Dr. Jill Stoddard put it in her new book, Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance, “by simple definition, anxiety is a state of future-focused readiness to deal with potential unpleasant events; this is related to but different from fear, which is a more acute reaction to an in-the-moment perceived threat (Barlow, 2002).” It makes sense that many of us would be experiencing both anxiety – as we are grappling with an enormous amount of uncertainty regarding the future health and financial stability of our nation and our families – and fear, as we are facing an immediate threat to our individual and collective wellbeing.

Feeling anxious right now makes sense. Be gentle with yourself.

One important piece of self-care during this time is to recognize and honor our feelings. Anxiety has a purpose: it is specifically designed to motivate us to prepare to manage threats. It makes sense to feel anxious and afraid. A certain amount of anxiety and fear are adaptive in this situation; they are here to remind us that something is amiss. And stress can help us to adjust our behavior in response. As Kelly McGonigal (2013) pointed out, stress releases a combination of adrenaline and oxytocin, which are hormones designed to prepare us for action and to prompt us to connect, increase empathy, and seek and give care to others. All of these feelings are evolutionary responses designed to kick in in moments like this. So as always, responding to our emotions with self-compassion is crucial.

How do I know if my anxiety has gone too far?

If you are finding that the anxiety and stress you are experiencing during this time are impacting your ability to function – that is, if these feelings are negatively impacting your relationships, your sleep patterns (e.g. causing insomnia or impairing your ability to fall or stay asleep), your ability to attend to tasks needed to care for yourself or your family, or you are finding these feelings overwhelming and are unsure how to cope with them – support is available.  

Can I still seek therapy with social distancing requirements?

Despite the fact that we are required to maintain distance from each other and stay in our homes (except for essential work and errands or a walk/run/bike ride outside maintaining 6 feet between ourselves and others) it is important to know that you can still seek and receive therapy amidst COVID-19. Many therapists, including those here at The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, have shifted to utilizing telehealth in order to both adhere to COVID-19 guidelines and still attend to patients’ mental health needs. Telehealth sessions expand access to care, as they allow therapists to work with anyone living in the state in which they are licensed (CSAM therapists are available to work with anyone in California). Also important to note is that studies have shown therapy via videoconference to be as effective as in person therapy. It is crucial that those who need support during this time are able to access quality care they need, and telehealth allows mental health providers to ensure it is available.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love needs support and might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, or stress related to COVID-19, or if you would like more information about our telehealth services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

Busting OCD Myths and Misconceptions: OCD In Its Many Forms

By Annabelle Parr

The term OCD has been appropriated to describe neat freaks, those who get a kick out of organizing, and the Mr. Cleans of the world. People casually joke “I’m so OCD!” in reference to their color coded planners or their squeaky clean cars or their Instagram worthy closets. Not only is this use of the term inaccurate, the tongue and cheek expression minimizes the severity and suffering associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). 

For those who actually meet diagnostic criteria for OCD, the characteristic obsessions and compulsions are far from cute or funny. According to the DSM-5, obsessions are intrusive, unwanted thoughts, urges, or images that create immense anxiety and distress; compulsions are the actions the individual takes to attempt to neutralize, suppress, or ignore the obsessions, and involve behaviors or mental acts which are rigidly applied in response to obsessions. OCD compulsions take up at least an hour of the individual’s day, and create serious impairment in important areas of life, including school, work, and relationships.

Additionally, although most people tend to think of OCD as characterized by fears of germs or the need for things to be orderly, these are only two of many manifestations of the disorder. There are a number of categories into which obsessions and compulsions commonly fall, including checking, contamination, symmetry and ordering, and intrusive thoughts. These categories often overlap with one another and at the core all subtypes involve extreme difficulty tolerating uncertainty. 

Checking

Though the checking behavior is a compulsion, the compulsion is driven by a fear-based obsession regarding potential harm or damage that could occur if the compulsion is not engaged. Some examples in this category include checking locks, appliances, lights, and taps, checking for signs of illness or pregnancy, checking one’s valuables, or checking for signs of sexual arousal, as well as seeking reassurance. The checking behaviors – like the compulsions in all of the subsequent categories – are engaged multiple times, and often prevent one from maintaining commitments such as arriving to work on time, keeping social engagements, etc.

Contamination

In this category, the obsessive fear is related to harm as a result of being dirty or coming into contact with germs, and the compulsion typically involves excessive cleaning or avoiding situations which may result in contamination. Some common examples of feared stimuli include public or private toilets, restaurants, shaking hands, chemicals, sex, outside air, and crowds. 

Symmetry and Ordering

The obsessive aspect of this category can either be related to the compulsion, where a lack of order causes great discomfort, or can be connected to other unrelated fears or intrusive thoughts such that the compulsion to create order is believed to prevent the feared harm (e.g. contracting a serious illness) from occurring. Items – such as clothes, books, pictures, and food – must be arranged symmetrically and just right.

Intrusive Thoughts

This particular subtype is sometimes referred to as “Pure O” (for obsession), as it is characterized primarily by obsessions and avoidance, but does not typically have overtly obvious compulsions present. Intrusive thoughts are a particular type of distressing obsession, characterized by involuntary, unwanted, highly distressing and often disturbing thoughts. 

Intrusive thoughts can be related to one’s relationship, where for example, one feels the compulsion to constantly seek reassurance of one’s partner’s feelings or faithfulness.  

They can be related to sex, involving intense fear of being sexually attracted to children, sexually attracted to family members, or regarding one’s sexual orientation.

Another particularly distressing form involves intrusive thoughts regarding violence, where one fears he will carry out violent acts toward himself, loved ones, or others.  

Sexual and violent intrusive thoughts are experienced as especially disturbing, and individuals struggling with these thoughts are often hesitant to disclose them as they may believe that these thoughts are a sign that they are capable of such actions; they may also fear that these thoughts mean that they are a bad person or that they will be viewed as such. Despite the disturbing nature of these thoughts, individuals with OCD are the least likely to act on such thoughts, as they experienced as revolting; rather than indicating a propensity to carry out these actions, much of the individual’s time is devoted to suppressing the thoughts and avoiding and preventing the feared outcomes.

Intrusive thoughts can also come in the form of magical thinking, where the individual believes that thinking about something terrible – such as a natural disaster or death – makes it more likely to occur.

Finally, religious intrusive thoughts (scrupulosity) can take the form of intense fear that one is sinning, one must pray over and over, fear of blasphemous thoughts, etc. 

OCD Treatment

The good news is that effective treatment is available for OCD. The gold-standard of treatment is currently Exposure and Response Prevention, a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy in which the client is – in the context of a warm and supportive therapeutic environment – exposed to the distressing obsessions and prevented from engaging in the subsequent compulsion. Like all forms of exposure therapy, this approach allows for new learning to occur such that the association between obsession and compulsion is slowly broken down. The client typically learns over the course of treatment that catastrophe does not strike despite failure to engage former compulsions. Medication may also be recommended in conjunction with therapy in some cases.

OCD Is No Joke

OCD can severely limit one’s ability to engage effectively and meaningfully in life. The associated distress and anxiety can be overwhelming and painful, thus OCD is not something to joke about or trivialize. However, with effective treatment, individuals can learn how to manage distress in new ways such that they are not prevented from engaging in a rich and vital life.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, or insomnia, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

Finding the Right Therapist for You

by Annabelle Parr

Therapy can be incredibly helpful and healing in the midst of struggle, but it’s not “one size fits all” and sometimes it can be challenging to find the right fit. If you have tried therapy before and been frustrated by a lack of progress, it’s possible you haven’t found the right therapist for you. Having some knowledge about therapy and the different options available can help when you are seeking out help.

What do therapists do?

A therapist’s role is to provide you with empathy, help you learn healthy coping methods and give you tools to manage your emotions constructively. They are there to help you connect with your personal values and get in touch with your own internal strength, while offering you compassionate support and understanding along the way. They are like “training wheels” to help you learn to engage in life in a new way.

What don’t therapists do?

They are not there to pass judgement, minimize your feelings, or offer you advice. No advice means that they are not there to make decisions for you, such as whether or not to stay in a relationship or a job; they can, however, assign you homework to help you make progress and teach you coping mechanisms.

If you ever feel judged or like your therapist is minimizing your feelings, discuss this with them. This will allow you to discern whether you misunderstood their message or whether maybe they are not the best fit for you. It is important to talk with your therapist about the therapeutic process itself, especially if something feels off.

Note: therapy can be helpful and it can be hard.

Therapy is challenging. It requires active work on the part of the client and it requires facing uncomfortable and painful emotions, and likely making difficult changes. As James Hollis (1998) notes, “no one enters the therapist’s office whose adaptive strategies are still working.” So sometimes, clients may feel worse before they feel better because change is inherently uncomfortable. This kind of “feeling worse” is a vital part of the growth process, not a further descent into the same struggle that brought you into the office.

If it feels like you have tried various therapies or therapists, and have not progressed despite your commitment to finding help and engaging in the therapeutic process, you may not have found the right therapist yet. Here are some things to look for when seeking therapy.

1. Connection with the therapist. Therapy requires that you let another person in on your innermost thoughts and feelings. This is not an easy thing to do, so it is important that you feel comfortable with the person you choose. Research shows that the therapeutic relationship itself is the most important aspect of therapy – accounting for about 30% of the variance in treatment outcome, which is more than any other factor including the technique the therapist uses. So make sure that the therapist you choose to see is someone you trust and whom you are willing to talk to. If it doesn’t feel like the right fit, it probably won’t be.
    
2. The therapist’s areas of expertise. While the relationship is the most important piece of therapy, specialization and technique are still very important pieces of the puzzle. When looking for a therapist, make sure to search for someone who has experience working with individuals dealing with your particular concerns. Otherwise, you may end up wasting time and money working with someone who might not conduct a proper assessment, or who does not have experience working with your particular issue. Ask them about their experience working with others who have concerns similar to yours, including the techniques they use and the degree of progress and healing that they typically see in their clients.
    
3. Evidence based treatments. There are lots of different treatment options out there; a good place to start is searching for a therapist with true training in modalities that are supported by solid research (such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Ask questions about their training and choice treatment modalities, what a typical session will look like, how your individual needs will be addressed, whether you will receive homework, what will be required of you in the process, how your progress will be evaluated, and what steps will your therapist take if they find that your progress has prematurely plateaued.

If you are struggling and considering reaching out for help, this knowledge can help you navigate choosing a therapist and can help you recognize sooner rather than later if it’s not the right fit. If you have tried therapy before and have been frustrated by a lack of progress, you are not alone. Remember, effective help is available when you know what to look for.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), or biofeedback for anxiety, depression, stress, or PTSD, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at csamsandiego@gmail.com

References: 

Hollis, J. (1998). The eden project: In search of the magical other. Toronto, ON: Inner City Books.

Hey Siri, I’m Feeling Anxious: Apps for Anxiety

by Annabelle Parr

There seems to be an app for everything these days. Smartphones have become like little pocket genies – your wish is its command. Whether you want a date, a ride, or help with a physical or mental health concern, your smartphone claims to have you covered. 

Recently, there has been a surge in apps claiming to help calm anxiety. Some offer mood tracking, others offer guided breathing and meditation, still others allow you to track your thoughts, claiming to utilize CBT methods to help you reframe unhelpful ideas. While technology can be a powerful tool, it’s important to think critically about how we use it and the effect it can have before we rely on it too heavily.

What does the data say about anxiety apps?

Depression and Anxiety: The official journal of the ADAA recently published a study conducted to assess commercially available anxiety apps. Researchers analyzed 52 anxiety/worry relief apps that purportedly use psychological techniques. They discovered that 67.3% of the apps were developed without any input from a healthcare professional, and only 3.8% of them had been rigorously tested.

So the people developing anxiety apps may not actually know much about anxiety, and they almost certainly don’t know if their app will really help you.

Authors of the study concluded that while apps have the potential to broaden access to mental health resources, there is currently a major lack of data regarding the efficacy and effectiveness of the available options. As such, the application space has yet to reach its full potential in helping people with anxiety.

What if an anxiety app is helping me?

Of course, the issue here is a lack of data. You may have found an anxiety app that does help you to manage your worry throughout the day. Guided meditations, breathing exercises, and journaling our thoughts and feelings can certainly be useful.

Should I ask Siri or a professional?

However, an app does not replace professional treatment. If you are dealing with anxiety that is impairing your ability to function in your day to day life, it’s important to seek professional guidance.

Human connection is important for our mental health.

Furthermore, while apps may one day prove to be a useful anxiety management tool, they will never replace the human connection that takes place in the context of therapy. In fact, it is actually the therapeutic relationship itself that is the most important aspect of therapy – it accounts for around 30% of the variance in treatment outcome, which is significantly more than any other factor, including the specific techniques used by the therapist (like CBT or mindfulness). This means that who your therapist is, how you relate to them, and the relationship you share is the most helpful part of therapy. An app will never be able to offer this relationship.

Technology may help us manage anxiety, but it may also be a source of anxiety.

Finally, when considering anxiety apps, it is important to note that according to the APA, smartphone use has been linked to higher stress levels, particularly in those who check their phones constantly.

Given the rapid development of technology and its ever broadening influence in our lives, it is important that we stay curious and aware of the potential it has to both help and hinder us, particularly when it comes to something as important as our mental health.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), or biofeedback for anxiety, depression, stress, or PTSD, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at csamsandiego@gmail.com.

References:

American Psychological Association (2017). Stress in America: Coping with Change. Stress in America™ Survey.

Sucala, M., Cuijpers, P., Muench, F., Cardos, R., Soflau, R., Dobrean, A., Achimas-Cadariu, P., & David, D. (2017). Anxiety: There is an app for that. A systematic review of anxiety apps. Depression and Anxiety: The official journal of ADAA, 34(6). 518-525. 

A ‘Yes’ Community

a guest blog repost by Dr. Nic Hooper

Two days ago, Thursday June 1st 2017, an article in The New Scientist magazine was published that I co-wrote. It is a great achievement because it will be one of the largest impact writings about Relational Frame Theory (RFT) i.e. it is possible that more people will lay their eyes on this article than for any other RFT article that currently exists.

At a personal level it feels like a big deal; it feels like an ‘I made it’ moment. And, of course, ‘I made it’ moments matter only because of the history of moments where me making it wasn’t, by any means, a sure thing. I think of my A-Levels where I studied like hell for Psychology and scraped a B. I think of the first two years of my degree where my average mark was 57 (see picture below) and I think of starting my self-funded PhD where some members of staff in the Psychology Department weren’t happy about me being accepted onto the program because I wasn’t ‘PhD material’. How the hell did I, an average boy from a working class family, make it to a point in my life where I publish in a magazine that has a readership of over 100,000 people?

The answer is quite simple. When I was 20, I started reading a book about a new approach to human suffering named Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This is when everything changed for me. Prior to this point, unhelpful thoughts and feelings heavily influenced my decisions. Sure, they kept me in a comfort zone where I was safe but in that comfort zone I could make no progress towards the things that were important to me.

Have you seen the film ‘Yes Man’ with Jim Carrey? The film documents how a man’s life changed when he started saying ‘yes’ to everything. It’s a cool idea and following what I learned about ACT it is pretty close to the way I began interacting with the world. Of course, I differ from ‘Yes Man’ in that if someone asks me to steal a pig from a farm and paint it green then I wont say ‘yes’ (most of the time). However, if someone asks me to do something that is in line with my values, and provided this something wont infringe too much on my ability to self-care, then I say ‘yes’.

Over the years I have especially said ‘yes’ when the offer made me feel uncomfortable or when my mind fed me thoughts like: ‘You’re going to get found out – you’re not smart enough to do this’. My values guided my decision-making. Yes to a PhD, Yes to presenting my work at international conferences, Yes to travelling to the US to meet people like Steve Hayes and Kelly Wilson, Yes to lecturing in Cyprus, Yes to writing a book, Yes to going to the ACT Dublin Conference, Yesto meeting up in Bristol with some people I met at that conference, Yes to setting up an ACT centre with those people, and Yes to trying to write this New Scientist article with those people. Sure, it wasn’t plain sailing and it brought me plenty of failure and discomfort along the way but there is no doubt that I am where I am because of how readily I said ‘yes’. And I was able to say ‘yes’ because ACT taught me that saying ‘yes’ to things that are important to you, even when they bring discomfort, is a way of living that brings liberty and fulfillment (see any recent work by Aisling Curtin and Trish Leonard to learn more about ACT inspired comfort zones).

I guess you might be wondering why I am telling you these things. Well, for two reasons. Firstly, I wanted to advocate for ‘yes’ living because of the positive effect it has had on me. However, secondly, and more importantly, I wanted to make a prediction for the future. Here I am, one average person, who became introduced to ACT, started moving outside of his comfort zone when his mind told him that he wasn’t worthy or capable, and started to achieve remarkable things (relative to what I thought was possible). But I am not the only person in the ACT community with that story. You see the thing about ACT is that it isn’t an approach you ‘do’ to other people; it is an approach that starts with oneself. So here is my prediction: ACT will get bigger and will stay the course. I don’t think this will happen because ACT will win therapy wars with 1000’s of studies (those wars don’t have winners). I think it will happen because over time more and more ‘average’ people will start to achieve remarkable things by saying ‘yes’ when their mind tells them that they aren’t good enough. If this does happen then although none of us will be remembered as individuals, as a ‘yes’ community we might just change the world.

Originally posted on NicHooper.com