Fostering Resilience during COVID-19 by Connecting with Our Values

By Annabelle Parr

As we enter Mental Health Awareness Month this year, we are collectively experiencing not only a global health crisis, but also a stressor which has potentially significant repercussions for our mental health. At the very least, we are likely to be experiencing a range of painful emotions as a result of this crisis. On any given day, I find myself feeling at least some combination of the following: anxiety, fear, stress, grief, frustration and/or exhaustion. 

As an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) therapist, when I am struggling, I ask myself the question: can I be willing to have this pain, and still choose to move in the direction of what matters most to me? The goal of ACT is to help us to live more vital, meaningful lives even as we struggle with the inevitable pain and discomfort inherent in being human. And goodness knows this pandemic has given us all a whopping dose of pain and discomfort.

But what does a meaningful life look like during a global crisis?

Prior to COVID-19, I felt like I had developed a pretty good sense of how to move toward what matters even when I feel anxiety or fear or frustration. But this pandemic has challenged me. At first, I felt overwhelmed as it seemed the world had turned upside down, and I struggled to find ways to live my values when life suddenly felt so restricted by forces beyond my control.

So I began to consider: how can I continue to move toward what matters most to me, even as life has become more restricted by this pandemic?

A few weeks ago, I was scrolling Instagram and came across a post posing the question: “if someone told you that you could save a life, would you?” The post went on to remind us that we are all being given that otherwise very rare opportunity, and that in staying home right now, we are actually saving lives.

https://www.instagram.com/igo_medical/

After reading this Instagram, it clicked for me: I don’t necessarily have to do anything monumental or new or different right now in order to make significant, values based decisions. Instead, I can consider what I am already doing – like staying home except for essential errands, or wearing a mask and maintaining six feet from others when I do need to go out, or calling and connecting with friends and family – and I can connect these actions with my values.

What are values?

Values from an ACT perspective are a collection of verbs, adverbs, and adjectives that describe qualities of being; a.k.a. who and how do I want to be in the world? For me, a few of my values include being compassionate, conscientious, kind, and loving.

Connecting with our values can infuse the choices we are already making with purpose.

When I connect even the simple action of staying home with being compassionate or loving, rather than becoming fused with thoughts about how terrible, frightening, or overwhelming this all is, I can ground myself in a sense of purpose and meaning beyond my discomfort. And I can bring my values to anything I do: when I call family or friends, I can choose to show up lovingly; when I go to the store, I can offer gratitude to the essential workers I interact with; when I watch my favorite TV show, I can connect with my value of being kind and gentle with myself. The key is being intentional about why I do what I do.

You are enough just as you are.

Navigating a pandemic is exhausting; it demands so much of us already, and additional pressure to do more when just getting through the day feels taxing enough can feel less than helpful. Part of the beauty of ACT is that values based actions are not always huge, monumental gestures; in fact, more often, they are the small, intentional choices we make to show up in a particular moment as the type of person that we hope to be in the world. So rather than beating ourselves up for feeling like we are falling short somehow, we might ask ourselves instead, how can I bring the qualities I hope to embody to the actions I am already taking? How can I connect the things I am already doing back with the kind of person that I hope to be? 

“Those who have a why to live can bear almost any how.”

I keep coming back to the wisdom of Viktor Frankl during this time; as a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, he is particularly well suited to guide us through crisis. He noted that “those who have a why to live can bear almost any how,” and I might add that those who have a why to act can bear almost any how. The “how’s” of our day-to-day right now pose a whole host of new challenges for us, but when we can connect with a why behind these challenges, we are likely to meet them with much greater resilience.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love needs support and might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, or stress related to COVID-19, or if you would like more information about our telehealth services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

#CureStigma

by Annabelle Parr

This year for Mental Health Awareness Month, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is focusing on curing mental health stigma. The campaign manifesto on the NAMI website reads:

There’s a virus spreading across America. It harms the 1 in 5 Americans affected by mental health conditions. It shames them into silence. It prevents them from seeking help. And in some cases, it takes lives. What virus are we talking about? It’s stigma. Stigma against people with mental health conditions. But there’s good news. Stigma is 100% curable. Compassion, empathy and understanding are the antidote (NAMI, 2018).

Stigma is a nasty virus, but this manifesto fails to capture the fact that stigma doesn’t just hurt the 1 in 5 who are struggling with diagnosable mental health conditions. It hurts every single one of us.

Mental health exists on a continuum. When we create a false dichotomy that suggests that some people are mentally ill while everyone else is healthy and well, we fail to recognize the range of experience that falls somewhere in the middle. And we fail to recognize that where you stand on the continuum can fluctuate and change throughout life.

The continuum enters the realm of DSM diagnosis when a person displays a clinically significant level of functional impairment. In other words, to qualify for a diagnosis, the person must be unable to function in an important area of life as a result of the presenting symptoms. But there are plenty of people who are functioning seemingly well in relationships, work, school, etc., who appear just fine from the outside, yet inside they are hurting and need some help. These folks aren’t feeling “well,” but they don’t necessarily meet the criteria for a mental health diagnosis.

The thing is, while 1 in 5 Americans are affected by a mental health condition, 5 in 5 Americans know what it is to feel pain. The frequency, intensity, and duration can vary, but pain itself is a function of being human. When culture stigmatizes the 1 in 5 and simultaneously dichotomizes illness and wellness, the resulting message is that it is shameful to struggle and to feel pain. In essence, stigma says that it is shameful to admit our own humanity.

With stigma, we all become isolated in our suffering. But with compassion (which means to suffer with), we can find connection in the midst of and even as a result of pain through our experience of common humanity. We all know loss, grief, heartbreak, anger, anxiety, sadness, regret, inadequacy, and disappointment. We all have our own version of the “I’m not good enough” story. What if, instead of burying these feelings deep in our shame vaults, instead we shared them? Stigma wouldn’t be able to survive.

Just because pain is a part of being human, that doesn’t mean a professional can’t help us navigate the more difficult aspects of existence. Despite what stigma says, seeking therapy in the midst of struggle is a sign of strength and wisdom. Therapy can benefit anyone, no matter where the person falls on the continuum of mental health. In fact, even therapists benefit from therapy. A few of the CSAM clinicians decided to share a little bit of their own experiences as clients in therapy.

Dr. Jill Stoddard, CSAM Director, said:

I like to think of my mental health a lot like I think of my physical health--they both need ongoing attention and care to stay at their best.  When I get a small cough or cold, I might just manage it on my own with my neti pot and some Vics Vapo-Rub. But if I have strep throat or a broken bone, I'm going to seek out professional help and continue to follow up with my physician until I'm well.  Even when things are stable and there are no overt signs of trouble, I still see my dentist, optometrist, and dermatologist for regular check-ups.  So goes my mental health.  Life can get really painful.  If I'm dealing with smaller hassles, I might go to yoga or seek support from my friends or family.  But when my mom died, I went to therapy to help process my grief.  When my husband and I were feeling the distance that often comes with raising a young family while also working, we sought out couples’ therapy.  Now, our marriage is stronger than ever, AND we still see our therapist for sporadic "check ups."

Dr. Michelle Lopez, CSAM Assistant Director, wrote:

I think about mental health care as a lot like car care. If my car is having problems, it may need to be in the shop for a while. Other times, it might just need a quick tune up. It might also take me some time to find the right mechanic, and I might have to try a few out before I find the right one. But it’s important to pay attention to signs that the car needs service, because neglecting it is likely to lead to more problems. I’ve participated in therapy at various points in my life, and have sought help to work through life experiences and challenges such as coping with the physical and emotional pain of a physical injury, processing the loss of my dad, living with infertility, and creating a healthy work-life balance. Currently, my car is functioning quite well, but I make sure to take notice when that “check engine” light comes on. 

Dr. Janina Scarlet, CSAM psychologist and founder of Superhero Therapy, shared:

When my dear friend lost her battle with cancer, I was devastated. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on my school work, and I found myself too overwhelmed to function. I decided to see a grief counselor. I had never been in counseling before and didn't know what to expect. My therapist was warm, compassionate, and understanding. She helped me process my grief and find meaning in this loss. I am extremely grateful for this experience as it allowed me to find myself again. 

Hopefully, in acknowledging the full range of human experience and removing the false dichotomy that currently separates us into We-Who-Are-Healthy and They-Who-Have-Pathology, we will begin to fill the space that is currently occupied by stigma with acceptance and compassion, both for ourselves and others.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, depression, stress, PTSD, insomnia, or chronic illness, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

References:

NAMI, 2018. Mental health month. Retrieved from: https://www.nami.org/mentalhealthmonth