Making Space for Anxiety

By Annabelle Mebane, MA, AMFT

Often when we seek out therapy for anxiety, we are hoping that with treatment we can cure our anxiety or get rid of it. Anxiety is deeply uncomfortable, and it makes perfect sense to want to make it go away. Plus, anxiety is evolutionarily designed to show up when we are facing a threat, so of course the impulse is to resolve the perceived danger and presumably get rid of the anxiety too.

But the thing is, anxiety also shows up around the things we care most about.

When we take a risk towards something we care about, our minds and bodies sometimes read that risk as a threat. It’s vulnerable to care and to risk feeling pain, rejection, loss, or failure. And if we “resolve” that threat and make the anxiety go away, that sometimes means we are cutting ourselves off from the richest parts of our lives. We avoid taking the risks that may cause pain and that will very likely cause anxiety, but in doing so, we miss out on the juiciest parts of life.

The primary goal of anxiety therapy isn’t actually to get rid of anxiety.

As someone who has experienced (and still experiences at times) a fair share of anxiety, and someone who is also now a therapist specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders, I’ve learned that the most effective treatment for anxiety isn’t ultimately about getting rid of anxiety. It’s about learning to make space for it to be there, and still choosing how we want to show up and respond to it.

I know that sounds really hard, and it is. One of the hardest parts of anxiety is the way that it can get us stuck. The way it convinces us we can’t handle the challenge in front of us or the feelings showing up inside of us. The way it convinces us to make ourselves or our lives smaller in order to try to stay safe or comfortable.

So how do we make space for anxiety?

Making space for anxiety looks like slowing down, noticing our heart is racing, our palms are sweating, our head feels light, our body feels tingly and shaky, naming that we are feeling anxious or nervous, and compassionately saying to ourselves “yep, this takes courage for me to be here and do this right now”. It looks like noticing that our mind wants to beat us up – “seriously, you’re still anxious about this?” “other people don’t have this much trouble with this,” “why are you so sensitive?” “you can’t do this,” – noticing these are painful stories, and responding to our mind compassionately, the way we might respond to our younger self or our child.

How do we choose how we want to show up even when we feel anxious?

Choosing how we want to show up means that we decide what matters to us most in this moment, we clarify how we want to behave in this moment, and we do our best to take action toward those values. We don’t get to choose if we feel anxious. We do get to choose if we are going show up and how we are going to respond to ourselves and others when we do.

• Maybe it means going in for your annual check up in service of taking care of your health, and showing up to that appointment as someone who is assertive, compassionate, present, and grateful.

• Maybe it means donating blood in service of giving back to your community and in service of facing a long held fear of needles, and showing up as someone who is open, brave, and willing.

• Maybe it means getting on a plane to fly halfway across the world to attend the funeral of a loved one, and showing up to connect and share love and grief with family.

• Maybe it means joining a dating app, going on a first date, and showing up as someone who is playful, kind, and authentic.

• Maybe it means getting behind the wheel in service of being independent, and showing up as someone who is determined and perseveres.

We choose the action, we choose the qualities of being, and then we do our best and have compassion for ourselves if it doesn’t go exactly as hoped or planned.

Making space for one feeling often makes space for others too.

When we make space for anxiety and stop fighting with it and beating ourselves up for having it, sometimes we also make space for the possibility of a complex experience that includes both anxiety AND joy, connection, love, or pride.

Even as an anxiety therapist, there are some things that I personally just either haven’t yet or won’t ever completely stop feeling anxious about. But whether that anxiety ever goes away completely doesn’t matter to me anymore. If I know I can show up anyway, that’s all I need to know. Sometimes the fact that the anxiety shows up and I still do too is actually part of what makes it meaningful.

I get a choice to be brave and vulnerable, and when I’m not stuck trying to wrangle my way out of the anxiety, I get to make space to also notice and sometimes relish the other feelings I’m having. Most of the best, most meaningful and important moments of my life have come right after feeling an almost overwhelming amount of anxiety and choosing to show up anyway. And from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy perspective, we hurt where we care. And caring is not something we aim to get rid of, so we make space for the pain and anxiety instead.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE NEEDS SUPPORT AND MIGHT BENEFIT FROM COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT) OR ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY (ACT) FOR ANXIETY, PANIC, PHOBIAS, STRESS, PTSD, OCD, OR STRESS RELATED TO COVID-19, OR IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT OUR TELEHEALTH SERVICES, PLEASE CONTACT US AT (858) 354-4077 OR AT INFO@CSAMSANDIEGO.COM

The Unexpected Benefits of Teletherapy

By Annabelle Parr, MA, AMFT and the CSAM team

It’s been nearly 4 months since we started COVID-19 quarantine, physical distancing, and since we transitioned to offering therapy via telehealth at CSAM. We knew from the outset of this shift that research indicates that, assuming that the therapist and modality are an appropriate fit for the client’s needs, teletherapy is as effective as in person therapy. Even still, we were initially apprehensive about this change, as we were uncertain how it would feel to switch from sitting across from our patients to communicating with them through a screen. Despite our initial worries, we have been pleasantly surprised to discover that not only has our experience been consistent with efficacy research, but that teletherapy has actually had a number of additional benefits we did not anticipate.

And given that the past few months have brought a lot of stress, pain, anxiety, grief, and frustration, we wanted to take a moment to reflect upon some of the beauty and connection that we have noticed amidst this tumultuous time. Below are reflections from our team of therapists on some of the benefits they have noticed about the tele-therapeutic process. 

Common humanity: we’re all in this together.

CSAM Director Dr. Jill Stoddard said, “I was worried that telehealth would make the connection with clients less personal, but what I've found is that my clients are now introducing me to their partners, their kids, and their pets, so in many ways I actually feel MORE connected to them. I was also worried about interruptions from my own kids and dogs, which HAS happened, but my clients have been so patient and understanding. In many ways I think they too feel more connected to me because it's all just so human and we're having a shared, unique experience of having to do things from home with our families around.”

Increased connection: a fuller picture of clients’ lives.

Associate Director Dr. Michelle Lopez agreed. She said, “my experience is similar to what Jill described in that I feel MORE connected to clients. Telehealth has allowed me to have a fuller, more colorful picture of what their lives are like which I am able to envision when I am conceptualizing and tailoring treatment plans. It has also been excellent for exposures. When "we" can walk to the client’s backyard or kitchen (or wherever the exposure task needs to happen) in a matter of seconds, it allows more time for the actual exposure task. A few clients have commented on how much easier it is for them to "arrive" on time because they don't have to account for traffic, being unable to find their keys or shoes, etc.”

Superhero sidekicks: incorporating pets into therapy.

Superhero Therapy creator and lead trauma specialist Dr. Janina Scarlet noted that “an unexpected but interesting side effect of telehealth has been the ability to incorporate pets into therapy. Many people’s pets have become their sidekicks on their mental health journey and my own cat, Hera, has become a kind of mascot of an emotional support pet for many of my clients.”

Increased convenience: involving family and doing exposures at home.

Child and teen specialist Thi Wlodarski, LMFT agreed with Dr. Lopez that exposures have been more easily facilitated: “telehealth has been really beneficial for my clients whose rituals are often done at home. Clients are able to complete exposures in the situations that trigger their anxiety instead of having to simulate it in the office. I've also been able to do more family therapy because all members are home together. I've been able to involve parents who wouldn't normally been able to be present in session. 

Comfort and creativity: therapy from the comfort of home.

Dr. Terra Fuhr said, “I have also found telehealth to be a surprisingly smooth transition. Several clients have commented that it feels easier to open up, be vulnerable and talk about difficult topics from the comfort of their own space. I also wonder if being in the environment where they live life may remind them--or prime them--to talk about the most relevant emotions of their day-to-day lives. We've been able to do more creative exposures. And everyone seems to love not having to factor in commute time!”

As always, we are continually inspired by our amazing clients.

Insomnia specialist Dr. Melissa Jenkins agreed with the rest of the team, and added her feelings of admiration for her clients’ courage and perseverance during this difficult time. “Over the past few months, I have been struck by how bravely and thoughtfully people have welcomed therapy into their homes by way of telehealth. In our current circumstances (in which we are faced with many competing demands on our time and energy as we navigate a new way of living amidst coronavirus), it can be really hard to keep appointments and prioritize mental health. I am truly inspired by my adult clients who are committed to prioritizing their mental health, showing up for appointments and challenging themselves, and by my client’s parents who continue making therapy a normal part of their children’s lives. Sessions, of course, look a little different as we engage in therapy together through screens; however, it has been powerful to connect with clients in their more natural environments (as opposed to a therapy office) and to witness continued growth in the face of substantial adversity right now.”

Teletherapy allows us to keep our clients and our communities safe.

Of course, we are all collectively missing the normalcy of life pre-pandemic. And here at CSAM, we look forward to a time when we can see our clients in person again. However, we are also happy and grateful that we are able to do our part in slowing the spread of COVID-19 by offering our services via telehealth for as long as is needed. Remaining at home and offering teletherapy is consistent with our values of keeping everyone as safe as possible while this pandemic continues. As the number of cases continues to rise both here in San Diego and across the United States, the best thing we can do to keep our clients and our communities safe is to stay home whenever possible. Under these circumstances, telehealth allows us to offer the most competent, compassionate and connected care.

If you need support during this difficult time, CSAM is here to help.

Even as we reflect on some of the upsides of telehealth and the strength, courage and resilience of our clients, we also recognize that this pandemic and the upheaval we are experiencing has increased stress, anxiety, and even trauma for many folks. So know that if you are struggling, you are not alone and evidence based treatment is still available to you.

If you or someone you love needs support and might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, or stress related to COVID-19, or if you would like more information about our telehealth services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

How Do I Know If I Need Therapy?

By Annabelle Parr

Each May we celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month to draw attention to and reduce stigma around mental health issues. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, or NAMI, 1 in 5 people will be affected by mental illness in their lifetime. And as we discussed last May during #CureStigma, “while 1 in 5 Americans are affected by a mental health condition, 5 in 5 Americans know what it is to feel pain. The frequency, intensity, and duration can vary, but pain itself is a function of being human. When culture stigmatizes the 1 in 5 and simultaneously dichotomizes illness and wellness, the resulting message is that it is shameful to struggle and to feel pain. In essence, stigma says that it is shameful to admit our own humanity.”

Do I need therapy?

Given that all of us will at some point encounter painful experiences and emotions, this year we are discussing how to know when it might be helpful to seek therapy. Though it may be clear that those affected by a previously diagnosed mental health condition could benefit from therapy, for those who are either undiagnosed or are struggling with anxiety, stress, grief, sadness, etc. but do not meet diagnostic criteria for a mental health disorder, it may be harder to discern whether therapy is warranted.

How am I functioning in the important areas of my life?

For nearly every condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V; APA, 2013), clinically significant impairment in an important area of functioning is a required criterion to receive a diagnosis. In other words, the presenting symptoms must be making it very difficult to function at work or school, in relationships, or in another important life domain (e.g., a person is feeling so anxious that she is not able to make important presentations at work, or so stressed that he is finding it difficult to connect with his loved ones).  When life has begun to feel unmanageable in some capacity, or if something that was once easy or mildly distressing has become so distressing it feels impossible, it may be worth considering therapy.

Could things be better?

It’s also important to note that you do not have to feel as though things are falling apart before you seek professional counseling. Therapy can be helpful in a wide range of situations. It can help you not only navigate major challenges or emotionally painful periods, but also can enhance your overall wellbeing by helping you to identify your values and lean into them. Maybe things are going fine, but could be better. A therapist can help you identify what could be going better and can help you learn to fine tune the necessary skills.

I want to try therapy, but where do I start?

Whether things feel totally unmanageable or it just feels like they could be better, it’s important to find a therapist with expertise relevant to what you would like assistance with. Working with children requires different expertise to working with adults, just as working with couples and families requires additional expertise to working with individuals. Different conditions also correspond with particular evidence based practices. For stress and anxiety disorders – including social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder or panic attacks, and phobias – evidence based practices include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The gold standard of treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and evidence based treatments for PTSD include Prolonged Exposure (PE) and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) (all of these—ERP, PE, and CPT --fall under the CBT umbrella). So no matter what you are seeking treatment for, ensuring that the therapist you choose has expertise that aligns with the types of concerns you are struggling with is critical. For some more tips on finding and choosing a therapist, click here and here. For more information on the different kinds of licenses a therapist may have, click here.  

Though there is no right or wrong answer as to whether or not you need therapy, if you are unable to behave in ways that make life manageable and/or fulfilling because of difficult thoughts or feelings, you may find therapy beneficial.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, panic, phobias, stress, PTSD, OCD, or insomnia, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

My Horcrux Diary

guest blog post by Dr. Nic Hooper

Have you read the quote below by T.E. Lawrence?

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”  

I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Ever since I could remember, I wanted to do remarkable things that would make the world a better place. Over the years, I’ve had lots of ideas for how to do this but often I would ‘wake up in the day to find it was vanity’. In other words, the ideas remained just that; ideas. On a recent project, I became a ‘dreamer of the day’.

I research an approach to human suffering named Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The pitch of ACT goes something like this: if we can be willing to experience all of our thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative, whilst continuing to move in valued directions, then we will do a decent job at this game of life. One night, after delivering an ACT intervention to teachers, I had this thought: “It is really easy to forget our values; I need to create something that will remind people of what is important to them.” In the following weeks I came up with the idea of an annual diary. For the most part, this diary would be like any other diary i.e. it would have days and dates and spaces to record meetings. However, it would also provide an opportunity for the user to record what is important to them at the beginning of each week.

Ok, so there was the idea. Now I had to do something with it. The first step was easy; I loaded Microsoft Word and spent hours and hours and hours (with my co-author Dr. Freddy Jackson Brown) shaping the words and lines that would make up the inside of the diary. The second step was more difficult. I had to figure out how to take that file and turn it into a product. First question: a publisher or a printing house? No publisher was interested so we went with a printing house. Then, more questions. What sort of spine to go for? How thick should the paper be? How many copies should we buy? How should we sell it? What are the best postage and packaging options? How should we advertise it? How should we accept payment for it? How do we pay tax? Who is going to post them? How should we grow the product over time?

During the first and second steps I faced a fair bit of discomfort (i.e. seemingly powerful negative thoughts often crossed my mind: “this is a waste of time”, “nobody will like it” or “you should be spending this time with Max”). However, the third step of making my idea a reality brought the most discomfort: once I had the completed product, I sent it out there into the scary world. And given that success or failure has implications for how I feel about myself, my diary is a bit like a Horcrux in the Harry Potter story. In that story, the bad guy (Voldemort) poured his soul into a number of items and placed them out there in the world. Those items were called ‘Horcruxes’. His thinking was that this strategy would make him more difficult to kill.

Like Voldemort, I poured my soul into this Horcrux. And like Voldemort, any attack on the Horcrux feels like it kills a part of my soul (‘attack’ is an extreme word that is possibly misplaced here. By ‘attack’, what I mean is any evidence I see that the diary is not worthy, whether it be a lack of sales, little interest on social media or negative feedback). My Horcrux diary is now out there in the world fending not just for itself but, in some ways, for me also. A bit of my soul is unprotected; it can be scrutinized, criticized or ignored. It can fail. And if it fails then it will hurt like hell.

The feeling of vulnerability that comes with trying to do something remarkable is tiring, and it often makes me question whether it would have been better to stay a ‘dreamer of the night’. If my Horcrux is inside my mind then nobody can see it; nobody can hurt me. However, every time I think about this I come to the same conclusion. Although being a ‘dreamer of the night’ comes with built-in safety, if I didn’t do something with my dreams then I’d be living a life out of step with my value of making the world a better place, and consequently, I’d feel empty.

Why am I telling you all this? For two reasons. Firstly, I want you to see how ACT is in my blood. Just in this blog you will spot how I used important ACT processes (willingness, defusion, self-as-context, values). Secondly, and more importantly, I want you to see that having ACT in my blood helped me to chase my dreams, and that it can help you to do the same. Chasing dreams will bring vulnerability but if you know what to do with vulnerability then you will be free.

Interested in checking out Dr. Hooper’s Annual Diary for Valued Action? Check it out here.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety, stress, PTSD, insomnia, or chronic illness, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at info@csamsandiego.com

How Do I Know What Kind of Therapist to Choose?

by Annabelle Parr

Choosing a therapist can be overwhelming. If you search Google or Psychology Today, you will likely find a long list of different therapists including licensed marriage and family therapists, licensed professional clinical counselors, licensed clinical social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists. How do you know what kind of therapist will be the best for you? And what is the difference between all those different licenses?

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT):

An LMFT holds a Master’s degree in counseling, which typically involves between two and three years of school. LMFTs are trained to view individuals from a family systems perspective, meaning that they learn to see individuals in the context of their relationships. Relationships include family, friends, significant others, and even your relationship to yourself. Despite what their license seems to imply, LMFTs also work with individual clients; they do not exclusively offer marriage and family therapy. Their license speaks to the lens through which they view clients and the various presenting problems they may bring into therapy. LMFT’s must complete at least 3,000 hours of supervised experience before becoming licensed, and this experience must include working with children, families, and/or couples.

An Associate Marriage and Family Therapist has completed their Master’s but is still working on their 3,000 hours of supervised experience.

Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC):

An LPCC also holds a Master’s degree in counseling. Many Master’s programs qualify students to sit for both the LMFT and LPCC licensing exams. However, LPCCs tend to work more generally, with a focus on mental health issues as opposed to relational issues, and tend to focus on the individual rather than the individual in the context of their relationships. LPCCs also must complete 3,000 hours of supervised experience prior to licensure, and a portion of their experience must be in either a hospital or community based mental health setting.

An Associate Professional Clinical Counselor has completed the Master’s degree requirements but is still working toward the 3,000 hours of supervised experience.

Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW):

An LCSW holds a Master’s degree in social work. Their training teaches them to help connect clients with resources, both externally (like community resources, support groups, etc.) and internally (like coping skills). An LCSW must complete 3,200 hours of supervised experience in order to get licensed, and they must be supervised specifically by another LCSW for a portion of their hours. They may also provide individual, family, or couples therapy, but the lens through which they have been trained focuses on ensuring clients have access to all the resources they need to thrive.

An Associate Clinical Social Worker has completed the Master’s degree requirements but is still working toward the 3,200 hours of supervised experience.

Psychologists:

A licensed psychologist holds a doctorate degree, either a Ph.D. (doctor of philosophy in psychology, focused on both research and clinical work) or a Psy.D. (doctor of psychology, more clinically focused than research focused), which can take between four and seven years to complete. Licensed psychologists also require 3,000 hours of supervised clinical experience for licensure. Psychologists typically have more training in psychometric assessment and test administration than an LMFT, LPCC, or LCSW. A psychologist with a Ph.D. is prepared to practice clinical work, conduct research, and/or teach, whereas a Psy.D. is typically primarily focused on clinical work.

Registered Psychological Assistant or Postdoctoral Fellow: A registered psych assistant is still working toward the doctoral degree and receiving supervised clinical experience. A postdoc has already completed the doctorate, but is completing the supervised clinical experience hours toward licensure.

Psychiatrists:

A psychiatrist holds a medical degree, and has completed a period of residency, and fellowship. Psychiatrists are medical doctors and are able to prescribe medications. A psychologist, LMFT, LPCC, and LCSW are not able to prescribe medication. Psychiatrists are also able to provide psychotherapy services, but their training is more medically focused.

What’s the takeaway?

Ultimately, there can be a lot of overlap in the services provided by the above practitioners. They are all qualified to assess, diagnose, and treat the full range of mental and emotional disorders found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The specific license under which a therapist operates speaks to the lens through which they have been educated, and the duration of education.

However, the provider’s area of expertise and scope of practice tends to depend upon the clinical experience that they have gained. So when looking for a therapist, it can help to understand what their license means, but it is perhaps more important to understand the specific supervised and licensed experience that the therapist has. Do they have experience working with anxiety, panic, trauma/PTSD, depression, identity issues, couple’s therapy, child therapy, family therapy? What modalities are they trained in? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, EMDR, Emotion Focused Therapy, Somatic Therapy? Do their areas of expertise and treatment modalities align with your needs and goals?

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship is the most important factor in whether therapy is successful. So it’s key that the therapist you choose feels like the right fit for you personally. But it can be hard to try to figure out who might be a good match based on credentials and website information alone. A good place to start in narrowing your search is looking at the therapist’s areas of expertise and preferred treatment modalities. Once you have found someone whose specialties line up with your goals, you can reach out to the provider and ask any questions that may not have been addressed on the practice website. (If they won’t take the time to respond to your questions, they might not be the best fit!) If you feel comfortable with the therapist during the initial contact, you can schedule your first session. You will want to meet with the therapist 2-3 times to evaluate how safe and comfortable you feel working with this person. Choosing a therapist is a process, and it can feel overwhelming at first. But once you know how to narrow your search and find a provider that feels like a good fit, it can be incredibly rewarding.

5 Myths About Anxiety

By Trevor McDonald
edited by Annabelle Parr

People are talking about mental illnesses, like anxiety disorders, more often and more openly. Social media and access to digital content has helped facilitate the conversation. However, there is still a stigma surrounding mental illness, and while easy access to content can help reduce shame, stigma and misunderstandings about mental illness, it can also spread mistruths and foster outdated myths. This hurts those who suffer from mental illnesses as well as those trying to understand and support them. So let’s clarify some things about anxiety.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), anxiety disorders are the most common American mental illness, affecting 40 million adults – 18% of the population. Despite this substantial figure, the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) estimates that only 33 percent of those suffering will receive treatment.

Anxiety is a blanket term. We all know what it feels like to feel anxious. But when we talk about anxiety as a mental illness, we may be referring to any number of disorders, from generalized anxiety disorder to social anxiety disorder to panic disorder to a specific phobia. Though all of these things fall under “anxiety,” each manifestation looks and feels a bit different.

Fortunately, anxiety disorders can be treated. Having a supportive network that includes mental health professionals and ideally, understanding loved ones, is critical. The first step toward encouraging and facilitating treatment is dispelling myths and providing education for both those struggling with anxiety and the people around them. Here are five of the biggest myths about anxiety disorders:

1. “You don’t really have anxiety. Everyone gets anxious/nervous!” Of course, everyone feels anxious or stressed sometimes. But according to the DSM V, when someone has an anxiety disorder, they feel excessively anxious about a number of things more often than not, and it significantly impairs their ability to function in a major area of their life. We must understand that there is a big difference between feeling anxious about a particular event or challenge, and feeling the chronic anxiety that comes with an anxiety disorder. Furthermore, it’s important not to toss around statements such as “I’m so OCD” when all we mean is that we like our desk organized. Minimizing an anxiety disorder in these ways undermines the challenge that something like generalized anxiety disorder or OCD can pose to people who are struggling with them.

2.  “You can get over anxiety with yoga, taking a walk, or meditation.” While taking a holistic approach to wellness is smart, and such activities can help with the symptoms of anxiety, taking a yoga class won’t “cure” an anxiety disorder any more than it will spina bifida. Though it can be tempting to offer advice to try to help those struggling with anxiety, it’s important not to minimize their experience or assume that you have a solution to offer them. Only a mental health professional should be offering any kind of “prescription” or suggestion for treatment.

3. “Anxiety means a person is weak, or they must have had a really bad childhood.” The former is never true; the latter could be part of the foundation for an anxiety disorder, though this is certainly not always the case. Trauma can kick start an anxiety disorder, but it’s not the only source. A big reason people with mental illnesses don’t talk about their condition is because they don’t want to be seen as weak or feeble, even though they’re not. It takes tremendous strength to live with any disorder. Invisible disabilities can be especially trying because people can’t “see” the disorder a person is battling.

4. “Anxiety isn’t that big of a deal.” Everything is relative. Anxiety disorders exist on a spectrum. If you know someone with anxiety, you can’t gauge how severe their disorder is. But unless you are a therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor, it’s not your job to gauge the severity of someone else’s anxiety. What you need to know is that anxiety is a big deal to the person suffering from it, no matter where they fall on the spectrum. Further, unlike a broken leg, anxiety can’t be seen on the outside.  So someone may appear perfectly put together on the outside, but is suffering in silence on the inside.

5. “I won’t be able to relate to someone with anxiety.” This myth is usually based on a person’s fear that they won’t know what to say when someone is struggling with anxiety. It’s human nature to want to “fix” things, but anxiety can’t be fixed that easily, especially by a non-professional. Remember that it’s not your job to “fix” someone’s anxiety or make it go away. All they really need from you is empathy. And listening well is far more important than knowing what to say. So when talking to someone with anxiety, let them lead the conversation, don’t judge them, and don’t try to fix it. Let them know that you want to understand and that you hear that they are struggling.  You might also offer to help them connect with professional help.

We’ve come a long way in our understanding of anxiety disorders. Psychological research has given us a solid understanding of anxiety and how to treat it effectively. Of course, there is always more to learn, but now the bulk of our work lies in sharing our understanding with the community and eliminating the damaging and unnecessary stigma that still surrounds mental illness. Working to un-learn false claims and myths of the past is a big step in the right direction. Doing your part to educate yourself and others will make a big difference in the lives of everyone with an anxiety disorder.

CSAM IS HERE TO HELP

If you or someone you love might benefit from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or biofeedback for anxiety, depression, stress, or PTSD, or if you would like more information about our therapy services, please contact us at (858) 354-4077 or at csamsandiego@gmail.com.